wisdom and self-knowledge

I identify as an extrovert, Maile as an introvert. This isn’t just an interesting top-ten list, it’s a guide for marriage survival and happiness.

how-to-care-for-extroverts

how-to-care-for-introverts

how-to-piss-off-introverts

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As a geek dad this caught my eye: Agile programming for your family?! Make your family a self-managing team.

Feiler’s 3-plank Agile family manifesto

  • Adapt all the time
    • stay flexible
    • don’t listen only to ‘experts’
    • hook up with new ideas
    • be open minded
    • let the best ideas win
    • weekly family meeting, 20 mins. ask
      • What worked well?
      • What didn’t work well?
      • What can we all agree on to work on this week?
  • Empower children
    • stop ordering your children around
    • enlist them in their own upbringing
    • they come up with punishments and rewards
    • plan their own goals
    • set weekly schedules
    • evaluate themselves
    • succeed and fail on their own terms
    • less what they do wrong, more on what they do right
    • give them the tools to make themselves happy
  • Tell your story
    • as bedrock context for adaptability
    • preserve the core
    • define mission, core values, family mission statement
    • tell story of family, where we came from
    • difficult situations overcome
    • family strengths and successes
    • retell the positive and overcoming negative stories
    • make a family manifesto

Happiness is not something we find, it’s something we make. Greatness is not a circumstance, it’s a choice. What’s the secret to a happy family? Try.

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list icons
A sketched key to the 4 symbols I use for note-taking and list-making: todo, info, lookup, idea.

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Reading Reality Is Broken by Jane McGonigal I learned about SuperBetter, a game she created to help recover from a concussion. But it can be applied to any condition.

The book has me very interested in playing the right games to both make progress and have fun with life’s struggles. SuperBetter is a perfect example so I’m going to try to make a game I can win out of some of my chronic conditions.

I’m either going to kill myself, or I’m going to turn this into a game.

Mission #1: Create your SuperBetter secret identity. You’re the hero of this adventure. And you can be anyone you want, from any story you love. So pick your favorite story – anything from James Bond to Gossip Girl, Twilight to Harry Potter, Batman to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Mission #2: Recruit your allies. Every superhero has an inner circle of friends who help save the day. Pick the people you want to count on most, and invite them to play this game with you. Ask each one to play a specific part: Batman needs a Robin and an Alfred. Give each ally a specific mission, related to their character. Use your imagination – and feel free to ask for anything you need! When you’re saving the world, you can’t be shy about asking for help. Be sure to ask at least one ally to give you daily or weekly achievements – these are surprise accomplishments they bestow upon you based on your latest superheroic activities.

Mission #3: Find the bad guys. To win this battle, you need to know what you’re up against. Pay attention all day to anything that makes you feel worse, and put it on your bad guys list. Some days, you’ll be able to battle the bad guys longer – some days not so long. But most importantly: every time you do battle, you’ll want to make a great escape. That means getting away from the bad guy before he knocks you flat.

You can always add more bad guys to your list as you discover them – and if you vanquish one forever, you can take it off and claim the permanent victory.

The better you can identify triggers of your symptoms, the more pain and suffering you’ll avoid. And making a great escape turns a potential moment of failure – something is harder than it should be, or I can’t do something I want to do – into a moment of triumph: I succeeded in recognizing a trigger and vanquished it before it did too much damage.

Mission #4: Identify your power-ups. Good thing you’ve got superpowers. Maybe they’re not your typical superpowers – but you definitely have fun or important things you can do for yourself at a moment’s notice to feel better. Make a list, and be ready to call on them whenever the bad guys are getting the better of you. In fact, try to collect as many power-ups as you can every day!

As you play, be sure to do follow these three rules:

1. Near the end of the every day, hold a secret meeting with one of your allies. Add up your great escapes, your power-ups, and your superhero points.

2. Talk to your other allies as often as possible, and tell them what you’ve been doing to get superbetter. Ask them for ideas about new things to add to your to-do list.

3. Be sure you have at least one ally who is giving you daily achievements. Share these achievements with your friends online, using Twitter or Facebook status updates, to keep them posted on your progress.

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Today is New Year’s eve 2011 and I found these resolutions of Woody’s last week. I love New Year’s resolutions and Woody, and as always he puts it perfectly, plain and simple.

woodyguthrie-resolutions

1. Work more and better
2. Work by a schedule
3. Wash teeth if any
4. Shave
5. Take bath
6. Eat good — fruit — vegetables — milk
7. Drink very scant if any
8. Write a song a day
9. Wear clean clothes — look good
10. Shine shoes
11. Change socks
12. Change bed cloths often
13. Read lots good books
14. Listen to radio a lot
15. Learn people better
16. Keep rancho clean
17. Dont get lonesome
18. Stay glad
19. Keep hoping machine running
20. Dream good
21. Bank all extra money
22. Save dough
23. Have company but dont waste time
24. Send Mary and kids money
25. Play and sing good
26. Dance better
27. Help win war — beat fascism
28. Love mama
29. Love papa
30. Love Pete
31. Love everybody
32. Make up your mind
33. Wake up and fight

Today brother Pete called to see if I had a copy of the Woody Guthrie quote that he read at our wedding. I found it on the web in Joe Klein’s biography of Woody.

For me to bless your married life is like a cowboy trying to bless the sky. It is perfectly hung, perfectly balanced and perfectly blessed. Marriage is something bigger and greater than you or me and it is as durable as the sky which always remains clear and endless in spite of the clouds or planets that whirl and spin there. And since love is as endless and empty as the clear blue eternal sky, all of my blessings whether written or spoken or prayed would Fall short and not be Complete. But l ask you to look many days and many nights into that empty blue above your head, and I wish that same peace and that same power and that same balance and that same freedom, that same wealth, that same health, that same harmony and that same quietness and that same love in life that is birthless and deathless; I wish you nothing else. On the day of your marriage, in the season of your awakening, in the year of your new birth, in the land of your people . . . Woody Guthrie, Mary, all the children and all your friends.

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